30 Day Writing Challenge – Day 19
What is your biggest regret in life?
I know many people try to live their lives with no regrets. It sounds nice living life to the fullest without any feelings of guilt. Regrettably, I am not one of those hopelessly optimistic individuals. It seems to me that people often forget to factor external forces into this “live with no regrets” equation. I have so many regrets, I have skeletons in my closet, skeletons under my bed, skeletons stuffed into those vacuum bags to make room for more skeletons… Readers, allow me to introduce you to the most notorious skeleton in my collection.
I alienated the most genuine person I’ve ever met. This is putting it simply. I hate delving deeper into this because it makes me think about how horribly I sometimes treat those closest to me. But this is my reality, and I have to own up to it. Let me start at the beginning.
She is my neighbor. Still is. We used to spend a lot of time together, but we didn’t always get along. I used to refer to her as “my arch-nemesis.” A harsh title from a little girl, I know. Little did I know, she was my best friend. We just argued sometimes. And rightly so, because I was a bossy thing. She and her brothers were my go-to people whenever I needed entertainment. It was normal for one of us to wake up early and run over to the other’s house as soon as we could. We could never wait long to see what a new day had in store for us.
Throughout elementary school, we sat with each other on the bus, walked to and from the bus together, and, whenever we had the same teacher, they usually ended up putting us near one another. To this day, when I see old teachers, they often ask me about her. When we entered into middle school, we barely saw one another during the day, but we still reconvened on the bus. I messed up once we got to high school.
At the time of alienation, I honestly thought I was doing my friend a favor. That’s no excuse. I noticed I was the only person she would hang out with when we had a class together. But that’s what best friends do, you colossal idiot. I thought if I cut her off, it would force her to make new friends.
Ultimately, my plan worked, because she eventually had a large group of good friends, but I must have caused her so much confusion and pain in the process. There were better ways to go about getting her to make new friends. I could have introduced her to some of my other friends. I could have suggested we go talk to new people together. There was absolutely no reason why I had to do things this way. I put a strain on our relationship and I know she would still forgive me if I apologized.
We still talk once in a while, I wish her the absolute best, and I love seeing her succeed in life, but I fear our friendship may never be the same. And this is all my fault.
I fear I am in a similar situation to the one I placed this poor girl in years ago. Karma. I understand why it is happening to me. I hate it, but it feels correct. This is what I deserve. Even though I know she would never wish this upon me. Stephen King had it right when he said, “I never had any friends later on like the ones I had when I was twelve.“ To this day, I have not found a friend as genuine as this one.
I want to be a better person. I want to be a better friend. I wish I could live life with no regrets, but that’s just not possible. My life is a tomb brimming with skeletons.