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Tired of Being an Introvert

30 Day Writing Challenge – Day 27

Discuss a problem you have or have had in the past.

I love singing. I love the performing arts. I’m an introvert. Together, these things are problematic. Sometimes I try to come out of my shell of introversion, but I usually regret it immediately.

When I was younger, my family would take me to see the high school’s performances. I was always impressed with the musicals, and I wanted to be the lead role when I was in high school. I had always loved performing, even if it was just for my friends and family. I would also frequently tell people I wanted to be a singer when I grew up. Way to keep it realistic, kid. 

When I got into middle school, things had changed. I was no longer the outgoing, carefree performer I had once been. I was content with blending into the background, and I never went out of my way to do any acting in the community.

When I got to 9th grade, I was the bravest I have ever been, but it only lasted a moment. I tried out for a solo for our chorus Christmas concert. I wanted this solo. I had tunnel vision during my audition and I didn’t even focus on the other people trying out. I just focused on how to make myself stand out and sound better during my performance. I knew trying out for a solo was the first step to becoming the performer I wanted to be.

I ended up getting the solo. I couldn’t believe it! It was my responsibility to sing “When Christmas Comes to Town” from The Polar Express. What I didn’t realize during tryouts was my moment of bravery was short-lived. I had to practice in front of my classmates, and even that was hard. I wasn’t anonymous anymore. If I messed up, everyone would know it was me. I couldn’t hide behind a curtain anymore. Now I was in the spotlight.

I did my best during class, but as the day of the concert approached, I panicked more and more. I thought I could do this, but even imagining my shower walls while singing my solo didn’t make anything easier. And when it was time to sing for the masses, I froze. I sang as quietly as I could. I knew looking at the back of the auditorium was a good idea, but I couldn’t help but look at the people in the audience. I knew a lot of them. Messing up would be so embarrassing.

Afterwards, everyone blamed it on the microphone, but I know I was the one at fault.

I still haven’t gotten over this fear of singing in front of other people. But as soon as I’m alone, I’m belting out tunes.

Feel free to diagnose me.

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2 thoughts on “Tired of Being an Introvert”

  1. I understand your situation a lot. I am an introvert too and I am really tired of it. I think it’s the self conscious part of our introversion that leads to this. In this extroverted world, sometimes it’s not about how talented you are but how well you show it. I guess it takes awhile before we come out of our shells.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I try to do little things once in a while to help pull me from my shell, but you’re absolutely right! I’m not great at showing others what I’m capable of.

      Liked by 1 person

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