Eclipse Madness

Oh God. It’s 10:37 AM and the phone won’t stop ringing. I can’t do this until 3 PM.

I might have mentioned it before, but I work in a library. We are having a solar eclipse viewing party today at 1 PM. Our solar eclipse viewing glasses will be distributed at our party for people who: plan on staying for the duration of the party, are local, and get here early enough to ensure themselves a pair of these coveted glasses.

So, NO, caller #46, you may NOT come early and get your glasses. You may NOT “just have one pair to take home for your wheelchair-bound dependent.” I didn’t even bring a pair home for my darling mother! I don’t care what sob story you’ve sewn together. I’m an unfeeling monster, and you have no power here. If you send in your wide-eyed children to sucker me into giving you these sweet shades, I will only turn them away. I love watching their hopeful faces twist into the beautiful look of despair.

Also, why wait until THE DAY OF the solar eclipse to secure some glasses? That’s poor planning. I have no sympathy for you. You’ve had months to get a pair of these glasses from Amazon, Lowe’s, Home Depot, you name it. The fact that you are trying to get a free pair from a public library doesn’t impress me. It doesn’t make me admire your determination to view this eclipse. It makes me cry.

To the woman who called a few days ago from South Carolina: why? Is your state completely out of solar eclipse glasses that you have to find a pair a few states over? Has every state between you and I depleted their supply of glasses? Do I owe you any favors? Do you now understand why I gave you a cold and harsh negative?

I find it amazing that the people who attend a public event such as this only do so because they could not secure their own glasses in time. I don’t expect to see many of these faces again. I hope we have no guests from South Carolina. I also hate that I have to get territorial over these glasses. I feel like a Cerberus for nerdy accessories.

Unfortunately, I look a lot more like this.

Happy Solar Eclipse Day, everyone! Don’t go blind! Wish me luck!


2 thoughts on “Eclipse Madness”

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