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As it Turns Out, I’m Bad at a Lot

I don't know what I did to receive two awards in a short period of time, but I've been nominated for the Flawesome Award! The first award allowed me to give blogging advice. This award insists that I air my dirty laundry. I was feeling like a genius until I was reminded that I have weaknesses.… Continue reading As it Turns Out, I’m Bad at a Lot

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New Study Finds that Male Rabbits Rank Happiest Among Mammals

John from the Nowhere Tribune asked to collaborate on one of his recent articles about rabbits and other Northern Texas wildlife. Being interested in animals, I viewed this as less of a project and more of an entertaining way to spend my afternoon. Somewhere in here John says I contributed the good parts, but the genius is all his.

Nowadays, the news is unreliable. That article your Aunt Doreen posted to Facebook is riddled with inaccuracies. So why not get your news from a reputable source and check out my favorite news outlet? I guarantee you’ll find something you can talk about at your next family social gathering when your Aunt Doreen brings up the latest detoxing scam for the umpteenth time.

Nowhere Tribune

Special thanks go to Shayne for helping with this story. She contributed the good parts, and we contributed the rest.

STEPHENVILLE, TX—Researchers from the Tarleton State University Department of Wildlife Science have concluded that, of all mammals, male rabbits are the most happy, relaxed, and confident.

“We’ve conducted a five-year study of North Texas mammals,” said Randy Rivers, Wildlife Science Department head. “Our findings regarding the Leporidae family are most fascinating.”

According to Rivers, cottontails in the wild mate continuously from February through September. This, he says, is good news for the bucks.

“Just imagine,” he said. “Eight months of continuous breeding with multiple does. The more virile males may breed up to five times a day, which could amount to 1,200 times during a normal breeding season. No wonder these furry fellows are content, albeit tired.”

Bloodwork from 383 male rabbits showed that the stress hormone cortisol, though comparable…

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When Innocence Equates Ignorance

I don't usually go out of my way to make others think I'm a good person. And, as far as I'm concerned, I don't care whether people think I'm a good person or not. But last winter, I decided that I was too much of a terrible person and I should try to be selfless… Continue reading When Innocence Equates Ignorance

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Running From Dogs and Possibly Murderers

To me, running always felt a lot like dying. Nothing about it seemed appealing. Willingly pushing oneself through the outdoors to work up a sweat seemed to me to be a sure sign of insanity. But then I decided I wanted to be insanely toned. So I've been going running. And I've realized I have… Continue reading Running From Dogs and Possibly Murderers

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Tinder is the Worst Thing Since Unsliced Bread

I'm ashamed of myself. I made a mistake. I downloaded Tinder and I will never be the same. I really only joined Tinder to meet people and troll the guys who got pushy and annoying. (Also because my roommate always had funny stories to tell me about the people she met on there.) I wanted… Continue reading Tinder is the Worst Thing Since Unsliced Bread

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Ice Cream Antisocial

I don't normally go out of my way to start conversations with strangers. When I do, I can usually tell right away if they are the sort of person I affiliate myself with. Nine times out of ten, they aren't. My apartment complex hosts events in their Clubhouse pretty often. I'm usually in class when… Continue reading Ice Cream Antisocial

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Murder Most Fowl 2: Dumpster Conniving

No matter where I try to sleep, the birds will always find me. I once had a brief war with a woodpecker that decided prime time for pecking was during the wee hours of the morning, and the location for the aforementioned pecking was right outside my bedroom window. The woodpecker is back, by the way,… Continue reading Murder Most Fowl 2: Dumpster Conniving

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I’ve Been Mistaken for Someone Who is Sunny

For reasons unbeknownst to me, I've been nominated for the Sunshine Blogger Award. I didn't think this day would ever come, and if it had, I only assumed it would be because I had poured a lot of my money into some other blogger's ventures. But this didn't cost me a dime! I didn't have… Continue reading I’ve Been Mistaken for Someone Who is Sunny

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It’s 1 AM and the Police are Shutting Down a Party

I'd had a personal internalized vendetta against the obnoxious idiots who lived in the apartment below me. A vendetta that included complaining to my roommates and mumbling to myself and not addressing the situation like a responsible adult should. But it's finally happening! And I didn't have to do it! Someone else finally worked up… Continue reading It’s 1 AM and the Police are Shutting Down a Party

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It’s 5 AM and My Neighbors Won’t Shut Up

I don't even live on campus, so I don't know why this is, but somehow my downstairs neighbors are the loudest people in my apartment complex. This perplexes me because up until about 2 weeks ago, I didn't even know anyone was living down there. My upstairs neighbors, the stampede of high heel-wearing wild animals… Continue reading It’s 5 AM and My Neighbors Won’t Shut Up